“Making sex is like a Chinese dinner: It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookies.”
Old Man Dunphy, Outside Providence
I once received a fortune cookie that read, “When you decide to stop searching, only then will you find what your heart desires.” That sounded a little corny, yet there was a hint of truth to it. On the back of the fortune cookie there were some randomly selected “winning” lottery numbers, but they have nothing to do with this story.
After my last relationship ended I went out on a couple of dates here and there, but I decided I was going to take a break. I refused to settle and it just seemed like nothing was clicking with anyone I was meeting online, so I concluded that if, by the middle of December, there was no one I was interested in dating, that I would pull my profile down and figured that I would revisit the situation down the road…
It was a crisp autumn weekday morning. I woke up as usual around 7 AM and as I recall, there was a powdery layer of snow on my car. I went upstairs to wake up my daughter and somehow rustle her out of bed so that she could take Lucy (our dog) outside to do her morning business before getting ready for school. I came back downstairs to make some coffee and as my liquid crack laced Tim Horton’s was brewing I checked my e-mail.
There in my inbox were two messages from the dating website notifying me that I had two new matches. I’m not a shallow person by any means, but the reality is that with anyone you consider dating, there has to be at least some level of physical attraction. I don’t make a decision based solely on the picture, but I would be lying if I said that the picture doesn’t factor somewhat into the decision making process.
One of the messages was from a woman that I had absolutely no physical attraction to, so I put her into the “Closed” category. The other was from a very striking blond from pretty close to where I lived. I was interested, so I read the profile:
The most important thing XXXXX is looking for in a partner is:
A true companion – someone who values our relationship as a friendship and COMMUNICATES the good, the bad and the ugliness of everything. My soul mate would love me for me, love my bad hair days & morning breath and most importantly – have a sense of humor and accept the challenges of life with a positive attitude.
I liked that, and the rest of profile was pretty interesting, so I decided to start the process with her. She responded back and we went through the whole rigmarole and after a few days and several nice e-mails back and forth, I had her phone number along with an invitation to call it.
I took a deep breath, dialed the digits and after making small talk for a few minutes; I told her that I found her to be intriguing and very attractive. I also told her that I would really like to take her out one night to get to know her better. As we chatted, I could almost see her hazel eyes light up and through the phone I saw that mesmerizing smile grow even bigger. By the time I got to the actual “asking out” part, I could hear the excitement in her voice. She eagerly accepted and we decided to go out for the first time on Saturday night.
This woman is pretty and funny but there is something else about her that I really liked. This may sound totally lame, but I loved listening to her voice. There was just something about it that drove me wild. After thinking about it, I decided hers was the kind of voice that guys (and some women too) would pay $4.99 a minute to listen to. And thus, The Phone Sex Operator (or simply, P.S.O.) came into my life.
That first date was incredible. Not once did we have one of those usual awkward moments of silence that can erase the chance of a second date. In fact, it was as if she and I had known each other for years and years. We were laughing, we were having a great time and it seemed that we had very similar tastes when it came to music, movies and TV. The evening was filled with smiles, winks, eating off the other’s plate and occasionally our hands would touch and we would linger over the touches for a few moments.
We spent several hours together that first night and even made it back to my place for a bit (get your mind out of the gutter. Nothing happened). I was showing her the house and as we came back downstairs I waited til we neared the bottom and (apparently) gave her quite a shove. I’m not quite sure how that happened, considering I was in front of her. “He pushed me down the stairs” is the story that she’s sticking with, so I figured that as long as she’s not pressing charges, I would be OK with it. We laughed about the incident and decided that if things worked out long-term we would at least have a good story to tell the grandkids about our first date.
Even with a sore elbow and a little bump on the back of her head, when it came time to say good night, there was no question about whether or not a kiss was in order. I grabbed her, pulled her close and did my best to give her a kiss that she would not soon forget. It must have worked, because 15 minutes later we were still standing there kissing.
We’ve had a few more dates since then and we regularly trade e-mails and have phone conversations throughout the day–I LOVE hearing her voice! Things are looking promising and we went out to lunch again today. There is a really good story to be told about this afternoon, but I think that I will wait and post it on Christmas Day. Consider it a holiday treat from me to you.
P.S. I already received everything I could possibly want for Christmas (P.S.O.), but if anyone is even remotely interested in getting me something, I could use a copy of Outside Providence on DVD. It’s out of production, so it’s kind of hard to come by…