Tag Archives: J.R.

The Actress

“We were like training wheels for each other…”

This story is old school.  Really old school.  From back when I was still in high school.  If Sex and the Single Dad were a movie series, this story would be the prequel.

It was the spring of 1984 and I was in the parking lot of my church, waiting with my friends for a bus to whisk us off on an adventure.  We were on our way to the Bahia Hotel in Mission Bay (San Diego) for the annual youth convention.  I was a senior at Valley Christian High School and I had been chosen as the President of my church youth group.  As we waited for the bus, the pastor pulled me aside and informed me that he thought some of the kids were going to bring alcohol and could I please go through their bags and check.

I told him that I was the right man for the job and I totally meant it.  Why was I the right man?  Probably because I was the one who had organized the party and I knew what everyone was supposed to bring.  Now was as good a time as any to see if we were well stocked for the trip.  I know that I had my bottle of Bacardi and I had a roll of quarters so I could get Coke out of the vending machine at the hotel.  I checked the bags and made sure that everyone had what they were supposed to have.  We loaded the bus and headed south.

My pastor was in charge of the conference that year and as the guy in command of his youth group, I was helping with the planning.  Keep that in mind as you continue to read…

Immediately upon arriving we went to our room and looked for a good place to keep the beer cold.  We thought about filling up the bathtub with ice, but decided that four high school guys in a room for three nights with no shower was not a good idea.  Someone came up with the brilliant idea of putting a six-pack in the tank of the toilet.  The rationale was that the tank is always cold, so why not.  We all agreed and figured that we would spend the night sitting in the room, drinking and having a good time.  At least that was the plan.

That afternoon the pastor came to our room to discuss what part we were playing in the evening’s festivities when he announced that he had to use the bathroom.  Immediately the four of us froze and as he closed the door, I think we all had the same thought—“run and hide!”  I remember the toilet flushing and hearing the distinct clink, clink, clink of glass bottles hitting each other as the water drained out of the tank.  A moment later this man of God came out of the bathroom with a handful of Heinekens and a look of disappointment on his face.

I don’t remember the whole sermon, but I recall it being a lengthy one and I remember him looking at me several times and uttering the phrase, “I expected more from you.”  Ouch, yo.  After that, parents were called and we were all banished to the hotel room for the remainder of the three-night stay.

My friends and I were on the balcony that night when we spotted three girls heading towards the playground.  One in particular was quite appealing to me—tall, with red hair and dressed nice.  She looked classy, but not in a snobby way.  I was far from smooth in those days. (P.S.O. may argue that I’m not smooth now.  She may be right.)  I made a comment to my friends about wanting to talk with the red head, but being too embarrassed.

One of my friends (who had absolutely no shame) yelled down and asked them to come over and talk to us.  They did and the next thing I knew, the four of us, who were supposed to be locked in our room, were climbing down a tree and hanging out with them.  The redhead was an actress—a pretty good one, I would later find out.

We sat and talked for a while and decided to try and get together the next morning.  Meals were the only time we were allowed out of the room and my “crew” and I hooked up with her “posse” for our morning nourishment.

At some point on the trip The Actress and I kissed for the first time.  I remember we were on the playground, but I don’t remember the circumstances behind us being there.

She and I lost touch for a number of years, then one night I checked Facebook and found a message from her.  We chatted and caught each other up on the last 20+ years.  I called her this evening and left a message for her to call me back as soon as she could.  I told her that it was fairly urgent and that it was “blog related”.  She’s a fan of the site, so I knew that she would get back with me promptly.

An hour later my cell phone rang and she was calling from the Catskills in New York where she is on location shooting a small movie.  I told her that I had a couple of questions about “the old days” and asked her not to think I was a douche because I didn’t remember all the details.  I asked her about our first kiss and she laughed and said that her memories of it were much like mine—kind of hazy, but that it was definitely on the playground.

The Actress and I dated on and off for a couple of years and she was my first serious girlfriend and I was her first boyfriend.  I attended her junior prom (once I got off restriction from the whole “drinking at the church convention thing”) and I also attended her senior prom.  I went and saw her plays in high school and at junior college and she attended a performance of South Pacific that I was in.

Tonight we reminisced about fun moments from our past—of group bonfires at Huntington Beach and walking down the sand holding hands.  I reminded her of a couple  “small gatherings” at her parents house (they were out of town) where she made a concoction that she liked to call Frozen F***ups.  Basically, you take limeade and instead of adding cans of water you add cans of vodka, then put it in the freezer for a while.  It sounds crazy now, but remember that we were all of 18 and 17 at the time, so what did we know?  Long story short, though we never did have sex and left each other still virgins, it was still first love for both of us.

The Actress is married to a doctor and acts professionally in New York City.  I’m very happy with how things are going with P.S.O. and tonight we bantered back and forth about our current relationships.  Just before hanging up I told her I had one last question.  “How would you describe our relationship?”  I asked.  “I don’t mean now.  I mean back then.”  She paused for a moment and said, very matter of factly, “We were like training wheels for each other.  We didn’t necessarily support each other, but we helped each other learn.”

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Filed under Dating, Phone Sex Operator

Christmas With P.S.O.

Sometimes I’m just a douche…

It’s now a couple weeks into dating the Phone Sex Operator (P.S.O.) and things seem to be going well.  Her work schedule is busy at year-end and we were trying to get together on Wednesday for lunch in downtown Buffalo.  I sent her an e-mail in the morning telling her that I was hoping to see her and I got this reply:

What time would you like to make that a reality??

I’m free from 11:30am until 2:00pm – – – I have a 2:00pm call that I have to be here for ……..


We decided to meet at 12 in the lobby of her office building.  I found a prime parking spot and made my way into the lobby a few minutes early and after a brief wait I looked up and saw my pretty blond strolling across the lobby wearing her trademark 3 inch heels and a huge smile (along with a nice sweater and a coat).  We hugged and had a nice hello kiss and decided on a place to eat less than a half block up the street.  She took my arm and we made our way over and into the restaurant.

During a previous conversation she had mentioned that she would really like me to make a CD for her of some of my favorite music so that she could get to know what I liked.  Well, I ended up making three CDs and I brought those to her.  I also had a card and a little gift for her.  I put everything into a Wal-Mart bag so that it would be easy to carry and as we made our way up the street she asked what was in the bag.  I told her that it was something for her and that if she could just hold out for a few minutes that I would give it to her when we got to our table.

The restaurant was mostly empty and we got a table that we would later find out was right in the middle of a really, really cold draft.  It was around 15 F outside and every time someone came in or out, we knew about it.  But that was OK because we were together.  We were talking.  We were laughing.  We were having a good time.

We looked over the menus, discussing what looked good, when she noticed the bag was from Wal-Mart.  She threw down some back-handed, sarcastic comment about how great it was that I cared so much about her that I chose to bring her things in a “freakin’ Wal-Mart bag.”  “Only the best for you, baby,” I replied with a wink and a smile.

She looked at the CDs and was impressed.  She read off all the songs aloud and made brief commentary on each one.  I guess I did a good job with the music because out of the 56 songs on the three discs, there were only two songs that she really didn’t like.  We were on the same page musically and that was a good thing—especially if there are to be any road trips in our future.

We placed our order and she looked at me and asked what else was in the Wal-Mart bag.  I reached in and pulled out the card I had for her.  It was a nice romantic card and as she read it I could see her hazel eyes light up and the smile on her face grew bigger.  When she was done, she looked up from the card, thanked me and leaned over to give me a kiss.  After the kiss, she immediately turned her attention back to the bag, because it was obvious that there was something still inside.

Before we get to the last thing in the bag, let me just say that there are times that you want to give someone a gift, but you wonder if that gift is appropriate or if it’s the right thing to do.  I mean, when you first think about it, it seems great.  But as you mull it over, you have some doubt creep into your mind and you have to really decide if you should give it or if you should just hold off.

Let me give you a tip.  We can call this “J.R.’s Gift Giving Advice”.  Here it is in a nutshell:  If you ever want to give someone that you are dating or married to a gift, and at any point before said gift has been given you have ANY DOUBT in your mind that maybe you should not give that gift—don’t!  Just hold back.  Keep it private.  Never mention it to a soul—not even to your best friend!

I say this to you because it is fresh in my mind and because, frankly, sometimes I don’t listen to my own sensible advice.  Also, let me remind you of what I said at the beginning of this—sometimes I’m just a douche!

Things are going well with us right now and I thought that she might like a picture of us to put on her desk at work. There are no such pictures anywhere in existence (unless they reside on a security camera somewhere) so I, in all my infinite wisdom, thought that I would stick a picture of me in the frame for now and that down the road when there were pictures of us, she could replace it.

Of course I never thought to share that with her verbally.  Apparently I figured that it was either common knowledge that the picture was just a place holder, or I figured that we had such a connection that she could read my thoughts and just know what the photo of me was there for.  It didn’t really work out that way.

I handed her the 5X7 frame (Thank God it wasn’t an 8X10!) upside down and she made a comment about how nice it was and how maybe she would put the card I gave her in the frame or that she would put a picture of the two of us in the frame sometime.  I smiled back and waited for her to flip the thing over and look at the front.  I can say with 100% certainty that I will never ever forget what happened next…

This beautiful woman flipped the frame over, looked at the picture of me, paused a second, then looked up at me and said (with the perfect balance of sarcasm and love), “Seriously?  A picture of you?  What the hell am I supposed to do with this?”  We were now laughing our asses off and the three women at the next table glanced over to see what was going on.  I looked over at P.S.O. and simply asked, “What?’

Before I even gave her the gift, I knew in my heart and in my mind that I should just yank the damn photo out, but I didn’t.  We both laughed about it because we both knew what a stupid idea it was.  She did tell me that the frame was sweet and that she would just put the card in there for now and maybe replace it with a picture of us down the road.  I smiled and said that was fine.  I figured that after giving her the picture her wanting to still go out with me was a good thing.

It came time for dessert and we decided to get a sampler of all three of their sweets.  The plate came and P.S.O. dipped her spoon into the chocolate pot de creme and lovingly raised it towards my mouth.  I tasted the treat and I took a spoonful and moved it towards her mouth.  As I did so, she looked up from the table and said, “what the hell are you doing?”  I told her that I was giving her a bite.  She looked at me and said, “That’s gay.”  I asked her what she meant and she said that for me to reciprocate was gay.  I asked her if it would be gay if I did it first and she said no.  Going first was cool, but for me to follow up was pretty gay.

We got together for lunch on Christmas Eve to exchange our real gifts.  She gave me a bottle of Escada cologne and told me that it was kind of a selfish gift because she really liked it (wink wink).  I also got a Christmas ornament—a silver and crystal letter “J”—and she said that she hoped that she would get to see it for many years to come.  I also got a nice handcrafted box with pens on the top and a quote from Ernest Hemingway on the side,  “THE WRITER MUST WRITE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY, NOT SPEAK IT”.

The gifts blew me away.  She had no clue that Hemingway is one of my favorite authors and the fact that she gave me something that she hopes to see for years down the road is awesome.  I can’t wait for the first opportunity to go out with her and wear the Escada.  We’re going out New Years Eve and I can definitely wear it then.

As I drove back from the date I thought about the gifts that I gave her and about the gifts she gave me.  I came to a realization as I headed up the Skyway from Hamburg towards Williamsville:  Sometimes I’m just a douche, but I guess the rest of the time I must be a pretty decent dude.


Related posts:

The Phone Sex Operator

New Years Eve Karaoke

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Filed under Dating, Phone Sex Operator