It was a dark and stormy night. Actually it wasn’t, but as a writer I’ve always wanted to start a story that way. Snoopy used to do it and he was pretty cool. I figured if it worked for him then it could work for me. Apparently I was (once again) mistaken. Let me start over…
It was dark and had just finished snowing. As I gazed out the window I saw a soft layer of powder covering the walk where I had recently shoveled. The Sabres had just beaten the Maple Leafs and I grabbed my laptop and hopped on my bed to see what was happening on Facebook.
It was the usual stuff, The Skater Chick was talking about wanting to lick the sweat off of Bono and The Edge at the U2 concert, The O.C. Vodka Queen posted pictures of butts on her page and my colleague The USC Guy posted something about Pete Carroll possibly going to Seattle and how cool it would be if Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush and LenDale White could all join him there.
I (of course) replied to his comment with this line:
“Matt Leinart is a douche. He’s lazy and with his work ethic the only way he’s gonna score is with some skanky Baby Mama. He used to be good, though.”
To which a holier-than-thou friend of his replied:
“JR do you know Matt Leinart personally? Do you know 1st hand his work ethic? I would say NO then you should speak ill of people. Whatever we do to others in life will eventually come back to you. So tread lightly my friend.”
Now do you really think that I could let that slide? Hell no! I read his reply a second time (for motivation), cracked my knuckles and said, “It’s on!” I though for a moment about how I wanted to start it and came up with this:
“Do I know him personally? As in do I hang out at his pool parties? No. But I am aware of what his coaches (AKA his bosses) and his teammates (AKA his co-workers) have to say about him and his lack of work ethic. As to “whatever we do to others in life will eventually come back to me”. I’m not the one who was drafted by a team to be their future then spent my time knocking some chick up and staying out partying instead of studying his playbook and learning his job. For the record I didn’t DO anything to Matt Leinart, but in my opinion he “did” the entire Cardinals fan base. I’m just saying….”
I posted that at 9:37 PM Eastern time last night. It is now 2:52 PM (still Eastern time) on Saturday and no one has bothered to reply back. I have to say that I’m a bit disappointed. But on to the story of my status…
After dropping the hammer on the President of the Matt Leinart Fan Club I returned to my page where I happened to glance at my relationship status. It was set as “Single”. I reclined on my bed and thought about that a bit. Yesterday P.S.O.’s cousin broke her off a call and said that she wanted to go out “with you and your guy”. I think that if family members refer to me as “her guy” that it’s safe to assume that we are in a relationship. In all fairness I should point out that the cousin has an ex-husband with my name, so she will never call me the J word.
After my moment of contemplation I went ahead and changed my status. Now if you go to my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/jrreedradio) you will see that I am “In a Relationship”. I really thought nothing of it, but not three minutes later I receive this from The Little Ustin (a colleague from KLBC):
“Please tell me you’ve had phone sex with her.”
An hour later the O.C. Vodka Queen wrote:
“whoa….now that is a HUGE step in a relationship…to change your FB status to “in a relationship”..it’s almost like getting married….should I send you a card? I’m sure Hallmark has a card for that!!!…. : D
You know I’m really happy for you two!!”
Do you really think that Hallmark makes a “I’m glad you’re dating The Phone Sex Operator” card? If so, I’ve never seen that one! Nothing against the authors of the first two comments, but my favorite ones have to be from my boy Hockey Dawg, a friend, colleague and former hockey teammate. He and I went back and forth a few times:
H.D. You ain’t “in a relationship” playah ! Whomever it is, ya’ll just met. Slow ya’ roll . . . Pump ya’ brakes . . . .
J.R. it’s all good G. We ain’t buying anything together or nuttin. Just dating. You know how I roll…..
H.D. Go on, Big Playah BigBallah Big Pimp . . . . So, does this mean the end of your column ?
J. R. no son! I’m still single. Ain’t no ring on dis fingah! Plus I still have the old school stories and tales to tell about my shorty……
There were some more comments made between Dawg and I about a hockey tournament in Vegas and how he and I ended up being the only two heterosexuals on the team. He said, “What happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas.” I say that when two players were late for the first game and someone joked about them being in a hotel room doing each other, Dawg and I started laughing. I’m not sure what my face looked like, but when I realized that we were the only two laughing, I looked up at him and the look on his face was straight out of a MasterCard commercial. It was truly priceless! Sorry bro, it had to be said.
I’m happy that my friends care enough about me to say nice things about my changed status, but the reality is (and P.S.O. will definitely verify this) that I am the same dumbass that I was a few weeks ago. The only difference is that I have a bigger, goofier smile on my face now.
As I was writing this I went back to Facebook to look at something and I noticed that P.S.O. changed her status too. Apparently she too is now “In a Relationship”. That’s cool. I wonder if I know the guy???
BTW…you can become a Facebook fan of Sex and the Single Dad. Check out the link on the right hand side of this page. You can also become my friend on Facebook, www.facebook.com/jrreedradio